things in my mind

2008-06-14T01:35:00.000-07:00

Hi, Can I have a coffee asked an old gentlemen in Victorian era clothes. It's a teribble night isn't it .
Yes , it was Friday the 13th . A day that brought fear in all of the town . And for no apparent reason. But the town elders always insisted on it being the darkest of all days . And the argument that it wouldn't be dark if you let the light in and try getting out of the house for a change didn't work. It's dark because "I say it is dark" . It was hard to argue on that .
The Gentlement was about fifty . He needed a bath . And he spoke what seemed like English .
He seemed alien but still somehow he seemed to belong . "People normally don't seem to open the doors around here ."
"Yes , they insist that you should close the doors amd windows on this day."
And then he told me a story that seemed impossible .
But it left a deep impression .
That night I couldn't sleep , If I meet my great-great-great grandson after death would he think I had bad breath too.

This post is part of chasing frames . Other posts on similar lines by Supreet

2008-06-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

As Magan and I were discussing the state of global warming and the need for humans to get in touch with their wild side over our decaf , war free , naturally processed, ethiopian coffee and low carb , Vietnamese sandwich which our generous Latin American cook had made for us ,we saw a news flash about this Amazonian tribe .
Oh!, such beautiful houses, they had thatched roofs that offered no protection from whether . The men hunted for their own food with these beautiful arched bows and these straight pointed at the end , arrows . They had fire and food. Each night men told stories of how their bums were injured by hyenas' horns and women would fight over how difficult it was to cook food without proper stoves and ventilation. Every now and then kids were eaten up by tigers who were more than happy to roam around their settlements . Mothers were too busy cursing the man who discovered fire and wondered who had decided that cooked food was the in thing to take notice that two of her children were missing and with the blue paint meant for children all of them looked the same any ways .
Magan and I decided that we should go and have a look at them and their anarcho-utopian lifestyle untouched by this consumero-fascist society.
Three months have passed since these nice people had assimilated us into there group . Every night the boys take Magan to have a look around the jungle after which she seems exhausted , while I am rolled over a fire every night . I think it is some sort of a ritual for new people. After this rolling ritual the chief of the tribe touches me and says something that sounds like 'still rare'. There was a chopper over our settlement this morning. Magan and I have been cleaning up the place . We expect the Mr. and Mrs. Spencer to arrive next month.

This post is part of chasing frames . Other posts on similar lines by Supreet and Kaa

2008-06-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

Laughter,anger ,tears the very emotions that make us human are so simply taken hostage by people . In a world i which the line between real and fake becomes narrower and hardly recognizable . You don't understand which moments were yours and which one merely creaked to go into the scrapbook of a cold heartless person so that he could have pretty picture to show to his Grandson's date . Maybe the only thing worse than not having a life is probably having one , just not one of your own. Are we player's of a story scripted by some one else . How heartlessly we write a play for other to play out . Not knowing that someone out of the blue may come and say the joke's on you mate .
It was the Christmas morning my friends came to me and asked if I would like to be part of a little Joke .
A Joke, what kind? I asked .
May be it was the way I was brought up , that it was very difficult for me to pacify the child in me .Gay curious and gullible .
"We have to fool an old of hers", she said.
"He is new in town ."
No harm , in telling who's the boss around here I thought.
"What's the plan ?"
"You throw a party in his honour , you know you are famous around here and all." "He would feel important ."
"You cosy up to and boom at the end you shatter his dreams in a second ? And we have perfect reminder of our little conquest ."
Seems simple enough I thought. The excitement was overwheling me . So much to do , I thought the adrenaline started pumping.
I planned out the party , every single detail .
I knew when the moment of the crash would come and when we shall savour our success.
The party was a success . I came up to the guy.
He was so gullible , I thought .
In seconds he was swooning , all over me. I so good at this I thought and then I asked him to dance . He was not much of a dancer . I tried to teach him .
Oh , poor thing , I should have thought , but in my madness to make headlines in a cold , heartless and stylishly perfect flick of the wrist , I threw a glass of beer on him. I thought I would make headlines and be part of the gossip in the town the next day but not in this manner . The joke was on me . At the end everyone got a story to tell next Christmas except me.

2007-05-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

Top five reasons why 'Ignorance is bliss'
You know how many people die everyday . How about Buddhist views on afterlife . You know the president of Peru . How about how many people have been imprisoned for life or given death because their views differed from established order . If you don't ,I am sure you are a happy . Here's why?
1. Look to the person on your left ,look at the person on your right . Now ask yourself - Are they smarter than my dog . In a world where most people are as intelligent as your dog ,do you think they will understand wisdom . If not , why are you trying to be wise . Ignorant people are happy because they can make friends , have better relationships and be admired by people around them.

2.Rank the following in terms of smartness . President Bush , Britney Spears , Your Dog . In a world where success is based upon the kind of hair products you use or how many cities you bomb
it is folly to be wise . Ignorance makes you successful. Front page on New York Times is at stake.

3. Do you know how many weapons are sold everyday . How many people are killed in Gun battles . The no. of nuclear bombs. Any day the president of U.S might want to incinerate the people of developing nations just for fun and nobody will question. You know what could happen if our P.M were to make some bad decisions . Do you think all these people are smarter than your dog . Ignorant people are happy because they don't know how much power other ignorant people have .Ignorance makes you feel safe.
4. We have political freedom in our country Yes! But it is not allowed by constitution to speak ,write etc. against your country . Do you think you would follow all the stupid laws our lawmakers make if you were wiser . Ignorance is bliss because it keeps you ignorant about life in jails .
5. Who won World war2 ,the allies, really? Weren't these guys supporting freedom and democracy . And they used a nuclear bomb to kill civilians even though the war had almost ended. Ignorance is bliss because it helps you to find a right where everything is wrong .It helps you in taking decisions.

If you reached here ,you really need to read the article again. Concentrate on the parts where I say 'Ignorance is bliss.'
Ignorance has all the virtues but one great vice , It makes you a slave .
Knowledge is the only way to freedom .

2007-03-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

BEING AN OPTIMIST

Everyone around you at top of his voice defends the basic human nature of 'screwing up things'. Self - help book writers call it optimism , I call it 'necessary delusion' . The delusion is everywhere . It is the same force that guides us when we look in the mirror ,when we join a gym,when we fall in love ,when we cast our vote. It is the world we pull over ourselves to hide the truth , that life isn't getting any better .Hope it seems is God given drug that we take all our lives .Some take a few pills now and then , some others have it flowing through their veins .
But if you are breathing in and out ,you do have it in you . So pack your bags and get ready for a ride to the promised land . It is the place between birth and death called life .

2007-02-05T05:29:00.001-08:00

WHAT'S IN A NAME?
One of the highly underrated problems of population increase is a lack of names . Most names are derived from religious or mythological background which is fixed corpse , so , although we increase , our repository of names does not . Although Shakespeare did say " what's in a name " but i don't remember him naming any of his characters ' Sir F**kin A**h***'. Names are like chewing gums , once they stick they just won't go off . Unfortunately every damn name seems to come with its liabilities . All of them seem specially designed for one joke or the other . So if you are reading this ,you are not the only one whose name rhymes with *****. You are not the only one who seeks a nameless world . As a person who believes in equality I say , we leave names and use numbers to address people . Next I introduce myself ,i am Mr. 745289 . Bye Ms. 76893.

2006-10-23T04:41:00.000-07:00

Waking up
I think i may have cracked the reason most of us find life hard ,melancholic ,demeaning etc etc...... It all has to do with the act of waking up. There could be no worse beginning to one's day then waking up in the morning. It is because of this act, that doom's day seems to be perennial.Waking up involves pain,a lot of swearing , and longing for a time machine(literally) . Your dream world is shattered (again, quite literally) . Your body and mind struggle to find balance and coordination and expect the miracle of night. You eyes struggle to cope with blinding morning rays . Ears are paralysed by the cacophony of the birds and one dashes towards the kitchen to drink a dark , boiling , sour drink to complete the cycle of pain called waking up.

2006-10-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

HOW TO SET THE TEMPERATURE ON YOUR THERMOSTAT
TOO hot, TOO cold , oh, this October heat, damn , Delhi is the worst place to live in , aaahhhhh!!!!!, that was what was missing ,the electricity is gone . Every morning my sleep deficient eyes and my grunting body ask the same question , How do i set the temperature on my thermostat. It's not that i don't know how to use the panel of my Air Conditioner , I am talking about "Why the heck ,the difference between the temperature in Sahara and Himalayas is one degree". How is it that you are sweating at 25 and shivering at 24.I hope somebody has an answer to this question . Till than, i guess i will have to rely on my lectures for sleep.

2006-10-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

Random
7345289 , is this no. just gibbrish , or has my mind been suddenly taken over by an alien race . I would only know for sure if i suddenly don't go missing tommorow. It could even be a coded message from God on when i would need to pee next. This uncertainity about random no.s is intriguing . They somehow seem to start making sense ,just like rock songs or teen age movies start to make sense after sometime.For example , this no only has 1 and 6 missing . Does that mean that i am suddenly gonna end up with one tail and six horns tommorow or is it gonna be other way around . Gaah... i need to know . Hoping that this is not the no of times i will get beaten up by people for writing this article , i end this random play of words.

2006-10-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Prophecy!!!!
The time of Darkness arrives
when someone in the east dies .
The cloud shout, the cry of inevitable
and the world hails the stupid man who wrote whatever came in his mind.
I guess if you don't count the last line , i pretty much had booked a seat to a great future. I bet this is what Nose-tra-damn-ass did right . He was able to keep a straight and serious tone till the the last line .
So here is an easy tutorial to your own homemade prophecy .
1.write four wierd lines 2.keep a straight face .
I guess why this simple idea works is that ,what people really want is consent and they will go any length to find one, even if it comes from bearded old french men . I hope you have fun with today's discussion .
Note: This article is not meant for old french men , especially if they could write and are dead.

2006-10-02T06:41:00.000-07:00

Technorati Profile

2006-09-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

SHOPPING RAGE
Those who talk about retail therapy , definately don't know my brother . Shopping with him is one of the most scarriest experience . Let's give you a preview of what's to come : horrified salesman , shaken fellow customers and me trapped in between trying to figure out ways to come out of all this alive and well , all this to find one harmless, beautiful , comfy cotton shirt .
First thing you will notice while shopping with my brother is the speed with which he walks ,it's like he has a target, fifty people to overtake in first minute , seventy in the next and so on. In fact if he could walk just one km faster ,i am sure he could arrest his age ,according to relativity . He is not one of those who checks out every place while shopping , his destination is locked. After finding the shop he likes ,he makes a big entry and starts scanning the place for pray . Poor salesman (let's call him guineau pig) comes to help him .
What do would like sire?
Do you have THIS (Invariably THIS the only thing that particular store doesn't keep)
Then comes the look that says out loud . WHY DON'T YOU CURL UP AND DIE ,YOU MORON.
Once in a while we do find a store that does have what he needs . Checking those out he proclams, i like this and then asks orange or blue ? i can answer
questions of quantum mechanics and probably even find 'the meaning of life'
but orange or blue ? The solution, does not exist . Well "may be blue" i say hoping i don't offend , any of the fashion solutions my brother has planned
for me . Blue it is ,then .Hooooh, i have passed the test . That much for a lousy shirt.

2006-08-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

PLUTO ,WHERE ARE YOU

For those who were fed Mickey Mouse in their early years , this line is quite fimiliar, but i am talking of a different pluto here , the one which we formerly knew as the ninth planet from the sun . If i was the same kid who cheered at seeing pluto(Mickey's dog) , i guess i would have been happy at the news ,hey that's one thing less to learn for school . At that age it was hard to beat that . But today i am confused about my feelings to this , much like i am confused about every thing else in the world . If i were to describe life of a planet , like that of a human i guess pluto would have been the most easiest to describe.Like a human, pluto has had its highs , its lows and now the most human trait of them all death. Pluto, trouble i guess started from the day it was named after satan . I mean if i went picking names a satanic name is the last i will prefer . Pluto in roman mythology is God of the underworld who is similar to satan in many respects. In vietnamese its 'yama' the hindu god of Hell . Pluto's name is not the only thing that is 'Hell like' , it is the farthest and the coldest planet of the solar system. Pluto's discovery also coincides with growth of Fascism in Europe .
But when Pluto was giving a bad time to europeans it was tickling the funny bone of the children in the U.S as its name was adopted for the pet dog of Disney's most celebrated character , Mickey . Pluto became famous after its discovery . Born in the industrial age and a time when media was developing it also fueled people's romance with world's beyond . It was used by science fiction writers ,as base of an alien invasion(Have space suit - will travel) or blown up for effect(World of ptavvs). Plutonium was named after pluto and it was included as the ninth planet on the pioneer plaque .
Although Pluto's Planet status had always been debated because of its
Comet like orbit its status came under the scanner after the discovery of kupier belt objects but the fatal blow was the discovery of 2003 UB313 (Xena) which was slighly larger than pluto and on August 24,2006 it was put to rest .

Here lies
PLUTO
1930 - 2006
Discovered by Clide William Tambaugh
Left behind three moons
Charon(the largest),Nix,Hydra

2006-08-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

HARRY POTTER AND MY GREATEST HANDICAP
I have a handicap , it is that i am hopelessly hooked to this world , i have a mental picture of all the aspects of our world and i cannot belive something that's unusual .Infact this obsession with reality has gotten to the point that i have to undergo therapy whenever India win's a cricket match or Bush doesn't screw up his day . But you would wonder what kind of problems can i face due to this handicap . Well, it makes it impossible for me to read and watch fantacy books and films . Yes just when Harry gets good at flying on that broomstick , something snaps in me,(hey that's impossible) and (boom) he falls down , amazingly these snippets of imagination are incredibly vivid . Imagine Danielle Redcliffe with 31 bones and 14 teeth less than usual and you will get the idea of grossness of the situation . I don't know what caused this situation ,but i guess one of the reasons could be that nobody ever read me Peter pan or Superman . So, in childhood when most children were busy saving the world from multicoloured Satans with wierd fashion sense and 30 billion contusions on their face i was looking for ways to pay for a one room apartment with no electricity and water . I just can't leave reality . I am one
of those 'hopelessly hooked to the system ' kind of people who have lost their sunglasses for eternity and thus can never be unplugged . What i am worried about is not that i am not able to watch some stupid film , but what if one of these stories turned out to be true . What if an alien lands in my backyard and says "Nanu!Nanu" what will i do then ,my guess is that i will probably stone him.I really am not one of those intergalactic brawl people .
Come to think of it who was the guy i was stoning last night . I hope i snap out of this problem before i accidently start an intergalactic war or the release of next Harry Potter Movie which ever is first.

2006-08-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

MY DAD AND HIS COOKING
Well everybody has a story to tell when it comes to thier Dad's cooking , I am no different . This experience is good for some while bad for others . In my case its a mix of both . Now, my dad is not a great cook but he is not too bad either but , there is more to men's cooking than just good and bad. When women cook ,especially i can tell you about my mom ,they take care of everybody's taste but for men their is only one person they wish to satisfy - themselves . That is true for my dad too so ,his food is usually loaded with salt and spices . He overdoes every ingredient . I don't dislike spicy food but unlike my dad there is a limit to the amount of garam masala and red chilli i can handle in one meal . Although my mom tries to keep the flow of masalas into check , but it's to no avail . More father gets excited about the meal ,more I try
to get mom into the sceam of things , So she can salvage whatever is left . After few minutes of defiance my mother gives into my dads whims and we end up eating a meal coming out of my dad's ACME kitchen . Thankfully , my dad only cook's on holidays and we usually have more options like Dahi , pickle etc kind of acting like a buffer . After a bit of struggle we find the right combination of dad's creation and 'buffer' that is palpable . Kind of makes me wonder about 'where there is a will there is a way ' . At the end of the meal I pray that Dad somehow get's over his love for too much spices . Next on the menu ' My brother , cook that never was ' bye .

2006-08-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

I was just reading Anton chekhov's lottery ticket and suddenly it hit me that why is it that all the people who ever win a lottery always turn bad . I haven't as yet read or heard a story in which somebody won a lottery ticket and used the money "for the upliftment of the poor" . I mean we always say that good things always happen to good people , is winning a lottery not a good thing . Is it good to live in poverty while it is bad to enjoy good food , music etc . Well I must say that this contradiction definately makes following the right path a wee bit more difficult.I mean when given a choice between a few million dollors and living in a one room aparment while hoping that heaven exists, I am a bit tempted towards the first . Don't get me wrong , I am a good person somewhere deep down but I would like to ride in a limo one day , wouldn't mind a royce but will adjust . It seems from most of the description of wealth that it is something satanic and evil but flying first class to Europe every week doesn't seem too evil to me . I mean let's face it wealth doesn't seem to be too bad an evil.Hoping that next time lottery prizes are announced i am the one who get's the chance to turn evil i sign off.

2006-07-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone to a wedding where you find that you do not know any of the guests . Well i love those weddings because its a nightmare when you actually know the guests . Obviously you won't know most of the guests that well . Anybody may come up to you and say 'remember me' , even after attending so many marriages i haven't figured a polite answer to this question . That's why in most marriages I shield myself with my parents or my elder brother . If they are not to be found then i run for cover (this includes my younger uncle(chachaji) or cousins who are elder to me ).This way i am able to avoid people who are in some sort of identity crisis and need me to find who they are .Well this is, when you don't recognize them . It's no better if you do . Because if you do then its time for a questionnaire . What are you doing these days ? something in me always wants to say , at the moment trying to avoid a conversation . Length of this conversation is short ( just about a few million years ) . Since most of these questions are standard i have always had an urge to carry a copy of the answers. And hand them out to everyone . Then again i may just ask for thier mailing addresses and keep updating them. In marriages in which you don't know many people you can just sit in the corner and drink juice till the bride's father goes broke . In these you have to get involved 'oh common it's your brother's marriage won't you dance ' most of the time i haven't seen this brother of mine, for years . And if it were not for 'sahra' and all i wouldn't even have been able to recognize the fellow . After reading all this you must be thinking that i must hate weddings ,but that's not so ,i love them .
Because in marriages you find one thing i can easily recognize and it doesn't ask me questions - food . I love the food served in weddings , atleast for that day . The next one belongs to the the doctor. I always wonder , people spend so much on weddings . Why don't they hire a doctor as well. With so many customers he might be able to give concession . Well I think i have explained most of the things you experience in a marriage of a close relative but there is one very important part - The actual ritual . As a family member you have to attend it . Most of the time ,you are trying to find a way to get through this time without seeming detached.This is something i miss about childhood .You can run around , get scolded and then run around again . But now you are supposed to take up a job . Most of the times you have no idea what instructions were given to you but you have to fake comprehension . Thankfully somebody has an idea what is said and tells us what to do in our language . After a few billion years this seemingly unending ritual comes to close . Now is the time for family picture with bride and groom . Well this seems an easy task but its not because somebody somehow finds a way to get lost at this exact moment . Well i can find a needle in a hay stack but finding a person in a gathering that's definately not my cup of tea . But somehow one finds this missing fellow . After a cute picture with the new couple i give them my good wishes . Not because of some sort of love for that relative , but because after so much suffering others go through they have a resposibiity to live happily. At that moment i also pray that god give me the ability to go through the reception...

2006-05-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know anything about the sharemarket but still i many a times do enjoy watching business channels. There is something about these shows that attracts me, i consider this habit of mine very similar to moths who voluntarily go towards the light even when they know they are going to die.In my case i think i enjoy the feeling that there are some people who have worse lives than mine.I especially like it when they try to make things sound very important for example
"the sensex plunged by one point" or "sensex reaches new heights as it moves by three points". I also wonder who are the people who watch these kind of showsif they are big business wouldn't they have there own analysts and if they are the small investors(note: these people are those who are losing all the money cause thats what makes them small) then i wonder what kind of advice these people are giving.Well i consider that since i have many hours of experience listening to analysts i consider it my personal duty to advice people on what to buy and what not to buy :
here's my researched(i kept track of market for 2 days) list:
buy:
1.Oil
2.Oil
Sell:
1.Shares of business channels
2.Anything that the analysts on this show recommend except oil.
my recommendation are based on actual resonning
i believe that oil will go up because with the kind of desperation with which they talk about oil i figure that when they are not talking about oil they are buying it.The other people are buying oil cause god forbid if the oil does go up then the people managing these channel will make all the money and use it fund there channels.People do not want to listen 'why we need oil' anymore.
I figure that the other things that these analysts wont work cause if they did why would these people be buying oil all the time.