SHOPPING RAGE
Those who talk about retail therapy , definately don't know my brother . Shopping with him is one of the most scarriest experience . Let's give you a preview of what's to come : horrified salesman , shaken fellow customers and me trapped in between trying to figure out ways to come out of all this alive and well , all this to find one harmless, beautiful , comfy cotton shirt .
First thing you will notice while shopping with my brother is the speed with which he walks ,it's like he has a target, fifty people to overtake in first minute , seventy in the next and so on. In fact if he could walk just one km faster ,i am sure he could arrest his age ,according to relativity . He is not one of those who checks out every place while shopping , his destination is locked. After finding the shop he likes ,he makes a big entry and starts scanning the place for pray . Poor salesman (let's call him guineau pig) comes to help him .
What do would like sire?
Do you have THIS (Invariably THIS the only thing that particular store doesn't keep)
Then comes the look that says out loud . WHY DON'T YOU CURL UP AND DIE ,YOU MORON.
Once in a while we do find a store that does have what he needs . Checking those out he proclams, i like this and then asks orange or blue ? i can answer
questions of quantum mechanics and probably even find 'the meaning of life'
but orange or blue ? The solution, does not exist . Well "may be blue" i say hoping i don't offend , any of the fashion solutions my brother has planned
for me . Blue it is ,then .Hooooh, i have passed the test . That much for a lousy shirt.

MY DAD AND HIS COOKING
Well everybody has a story to tell when it comes to thier Dad's cooking , I am no different . This experience is good for some while bad for others . In my case its a mix of both . Now, my dad is not a great cook but he is not too bad either but , there is more to men's cooking than just good and bad. When women cook ,especially i can tell you about my mom ,they take care of everybody's taste but for men their is only one person they wish to satisfy - themselves . That is true for my dad too so ,his food is usually loaded with salt and spices . He overdoes every ingredient . I don't dislike spicy food but unlike my dad there is a limit to the amount of garam masala and red chilli i can handle in one meal . Although my mom tries to keep the flow of masalas into check , but it's to no avail . More father gets excited about the meal ,more I try
to get mom into the sceam of things , So she can salvage whatever is left . After few minutes of defiance my mother gives into my dads whims and we end up eating a meal coming out of my dad's ACME kitchen . Thankfully , my dad only cook's on holidays and we usually have more options like Dahi , pickle etc kind of acting like a buffer . After a bit of struggle we find the right combination of dad's creation and 'buffer' that is palpable . Kind of makes me wonder about 'where there is a will there is a way ' . At the end of the meal I pray that Dad somehow get's over his love for too much spices . Next on the menu ' My brother , cook that never was ' bye .

Have you ever gone to a wedding where you find that you do not know any of the guests . Well i love those weddings because its a nightmare when you actually know the guests . Obviously you won't know most of the guests that well . Anybody may come up to you and say 'remember me' , even after attending so many marriages i haven't figured a polite answer to this question . That's why in most marriages I shield myself with my parents or my elder brother . If they are not to be found then i run for cover (this includes my younger uncle(chachaji) or cousins who are elder to me ).This way i am able to avoid people who are in some sort of identity crisis and need me to find who they are .Well this is, when you don't recognize them . It's no better if you do . Because if you do then its time for a questionnaire . What are you doing these days ? something in me always wants to say , at the moment trying to avoid a conversation . Length of this conversation is short ( just about a few million years ) . Since most of these questions are standard i have always had an urge to carry a copy of the answers. And hand them out to everyone . Then again i may just ask for thier mailing addresses and keep updating them. In marriages in which you don't know many people you can just sit in the corner and drink juice till the bride's father goes broke . In these you have to get involved 'oh common it's your brother's marriage won't you dance ' most of the time i haven't seen this brother of mine, for years . And if it were not for 'sahra' and all i wouldn't even have been able to recognize the fellow . After reading all this you must be thinking that i must hate weddings ,but that's not so ,i love them .
Because in marriages you find one thing i can easily recognize and it doesn't ask me questions - food . I love the food served in weddings , atleast for that day . The next one belongs to the the doctor. I always wonder , people spend so much on weddings . Why don't they hire a doctor as well. With so many customers he might be able to give concession . Well I think i have explained most of the things you experience in a marriage of a close relative but there is one very important part - The actual ritual . As a family member you have to attend it . Most of the time ,you are trying to find a way to get through this time without seeming detached.This is something i miss about childhood .You can run around , get scolded and then run around again . But now you are supposed to take up a job . Most of the times you have no idea what instructions were given to you but you have to fake comprehension . Thankfully somebody has an idea what is said and tells us what to do in our language . After a few billion years this seemingly unending ritual comes to close . Now is the time for family picture with bride and groom . Well this seems an easy task but its not because somebody somehow finds a way to get lost at this exact moment . Well i can find a needle in a hay stack but finding a person in a gathering that's definately not my cup of tea . But somehow one finds this missing fellow . After a cute picture with the new couple i give them my good wishes . Not because of some sort of love for that relative , but because after so much suffering others go through they have a resposibiity to live happily. At that moment i also pray that god give me the ability to go through the reception...